Monday, December 06, 2004
procrastination considerations...
How to procrastinate, by a university-educated expert in the field:
1) Play with the cats. Even if they're sleeping and don't want to wake up and play. Rub some tummies, throw some mice, feed them food they won't eat cause they're not hungry, give them some treats, anything. Just don't let them ignore you and curl up on the couch.
2) Wacth bad reruns of 7th Heaven and The Outer Limits. Convince yourself that these are really good shows that you shouldn't miss by studying 18th century Jewish emigration and the Balfour Declaration.
3) Eat instant noodles. Lots of instant noodles. Preferably kimchi-flavoured. Know that they're bad for you and eat them anyways, with great glee.
4) Read the newspaper. Cover-to-cover. Including the Arts & Life article on bad baby names. "Apple" is pretty bad. We get it. Let's move on.
5) Check your email obsessively. Even though nobody sends you email anymore. (By anymore, I mean at least once every two hours).
6) Take a long shower and spend half an hour drying your hair, even though you're not going anywhere today and no one is going to see you or care what you look like. Kind of like every other day that I'm not getting creeped out by old men.
7) Read other people's blogs. Start with people you know and move outwards from there. 36-year-old Gage in Ontario writes a great one: http://flatlinegirl.blogspot.com. She's amusing at times and sometimes seems to be reading my mind. Plus she looks like Rachel Griffiths (Brenda from Six Feet Under) and takes photographs of herself obsessively. Funny how I don't think she's self-absorbed, just really cute.
8) Watch CSI. For two hours.
9) Talk to people half-heartedly on MSN. Why do I stay online when I'm busy? The answer should by this point be obvious.
10) Write in your own blog. Find out exactly how tedious you really are.
I wish I had a penis so I could tell this exam to suck it.
But some Christmas wishes never do come true.
Happy tidings!
-N
p.s. yes I've been switching from third to first person and back again. I don't know what to tell you to suck if that's a problem for you.
