Tuesday, December 14, 2004
I can get Nome satisfaction...
Greetings.
I've had a pretty nice 24 hours by my standards, which at the moment I don't think are terribly exacting. I got to hang out ALONE with the Boy yesterday for the first time in AGES, since Kun was writing an exam late and so she wasn't home and he finally decided to take a break from studying. We went out for pho and we went to bed early and I was inordinately pleased with the evening, which goes to show I am capable of being truly satisfied without a lot of trappings (I'm sure the Boy will disagree here, but he should probably hang out with some high-maintenance types for a while and learn to appreciate me more as a result!).
I am actually really happy just hanging out and cuddling and sleeping in the same bed with him, even if we have to get up early and study, and even if it's raining and exams are looming in the near future.
Went to see Mel this morning, and she knocked me out even worse than usual. My abs were actually killing me to the point where I had trouble continuing with her 400,000 sets of crunches. Plus she obliterated my shoulders and made me do sprints. Ow. I was trying to figure out why she was being so enthusiastic (because pain to a personal trainer is, by definition, enthusiasm), and then she told me her last exam was today and I was like....OH! There was no way out of her wrath, since if she had done poorly she would take it out on me and if she had done well she would be more "enthusiastic" about it. It was the latter and I hurt for it dearly.
I've spent the rest of the day studying for my last exam in the engineering trailer with the Boy and Ruh and Kun and a few wacky engineers.
I've noticed a very strange phenomenon lately, which is that Ruh, who weighs probably 100 lbs, maybe 110, and is taller than I am (I am 5'6" or so), seems to genuinely enjoy talking about how fat she is. This is a girl who looks like a million bucks in little shirts and tight pants, which she always wears, and has just about no body fat to speak of. I don't think she actually has self-esteem issues at all, I think she's really just trying to fit in with Kun, who lives on rice, vegetables, and sushi with the mayo removed, and with me. I don't put my body issues on display for either of them, not for Kun because she's already so neurotic about food and not for Ruh because I doubt she can relate, but I figure Ruh probably deduces that since I'm trying out for a sport populated with insanely skinny girls and I am by no means insanely skinny that I must want to lose weight. So she starts pinching her stomach and announcing how fat she is, and I feel so sad -- not for her, but for us.
The only way any of us is going to feel better about our bodies is by accepting them the way they are. We can work out for health or for fitness and athletic ability, but not to lose weight. Any weight loss that happens as a result of valuing our bodies enough to work on them should be viewed as a bonus, not as a goal in itself. This is how people of essentially normal weight ought to look at their health. Otherwise we will all be like Bridget Jones: never satisfied -- with our bodies, with food, with ourselves as people.
Okay, and that's my good neighbour rant for the century.
Sorry.
Tonight promises some dinner and more studying. It's not terribly exciting, but like the rest of my life, I'll allow it to satisfy me.
A bientot.
-N
