Monday, January 10, 2005
i hate the Chinese emperor...
Still ridiculously sad and angry about the whole stupid thing with my prof. Ridiculously so, because I know I'm being stupid. I know that it's worth nothing to anyone other than me, and that I don't matter at all in the scheme of things, and I should never have made it so important in the first place.
I know I should just snap the hell out of it and get on with life, but aside from the occasional ray of clarity and excitement, my life is mired in boredom and irritation at the moment. Everyone bugs me, especially people who tell me to get on with it, get over it, that's life, deal with it, move on, find something else, it's not so bad, it's okay, you'll be alright, don't worry, etc.
Because if this really life, I don't want any part of it.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
People were supposed to be reasonable, things were supposed to work democratically, hard work was supposed to yield results, and university life was supposed to be fun from time to time. Without these things to count on, I can count on very little. I guess I am hopelessly naive. But I can't say that's really much comfort.
-N
viva la revolution, etc.
