Monday, May 09, 2005
something stupid and even kind of funny just made me really sad
Before he left the Boy gave me this dumb little necklace with a musical note on it. It was dumb only because he didn't buy it for me, and he's had it for months, and he only found it when he was moving out of his apartment the day he left. I didn't know where it came from or why and how he obtained it, but it was kind of cute -- though not really my style -- and so I liked it.
It was also the last present I will probably ever receive from him, and that's a big deal even if it was a pseudo-present.
This morning when I was running around getting stuff for my mom it somehow detached itself and fell off my neck and down my jeans and all the way down my pant leg. I didn't realise it was the necklace falling out by my sock until afterwards when I realised it wasn't around my neck anymore and connected the dots.
I guess the whole thing is really kind of funny and cartoonish, except it isn't for me because it demonstrates that I can't even hold onto a lousy pseudo-present for more than two days. How will I ever be able to hold onto a guy? Five years was a fucking miracle in itself.
I don't blame him for not wanting a future with me. What a fucking klutz I am.
Either way, it's a good excuse to be all self-deprecating.
Stupid little necklace. I miss you.
What a wreck I am.
-N
