Thursday, January 11, 2007
sorry, naysayers
I did get a kitten.
The little silver guy was gone when I went back to the store, so I went to the SPCA instead.
I like the idea of rescuing a cat, though I'm not keen on the baggage factor. I prefer a relatively clean slate when it comes to people, and to animals. Or at the very least, issues I can "work with." I figure it's better that I admit that fact that get involved in something I can't handle. I don't do people with kids, either. WAY too much responsibility.
But lo and behold, in a little cage in the back corner of the shelter was a very energetic little black and white beauty. She's four months old, still a kitten, and thus relatively undamaged by her short stint as a stray up North, shelter life, and the constant poking of fingers and chattering of strangers around her cage.
The next day I took her home, and naysaying aside, she has really been a joy so far. Taking care of her doesn't feel like a burden so much as a small token of my appreciation for how very lovely she is. She's crazily active and always wants to play and jump and launch herself from the bookshelf to the floor in the hopes that I'll catch her. She loves her fuzzy little mice and the rainbow mouse-on-a-string that my mom bought for her. Yes, I asked if the rainbow was intentional. My mom went "um...naw, I just thought it was pretty." Ha.
I look forward to going home at the end of the day just so I can play with her and have her curl up on my lap with her little kitten face in my arms. She's crazy, but she's an excellent cuddler and a really friendly little thing. She sleeps right by my face, and will stay sleeping until 6:00 am when she inevitably decides it's time to get up and play. I named her Maya, after the character from Sideways.
I know it sounds terribly corny, but I finally feel I have something to devote my energy and love to that doesn't make me really vulnerable to having my heart smashed to pieces. And don't worry, she's an indoor cat. No busy streets for her.
I never thought that Claire would be right, but this little kitty really has brightened up my life. Her advice in my darkest moments is starting to remind me of the Boy's reactions whenever I was feeling sad or hopeless. I came across a list a few months ago that I had tucked away in a drawer at my parents' place. It was written in the Boy's famous childlike scrawl, and it read: "Reasons Nome's Life Does Not Suck," and listed all the things he felt I should be grateful for and appreciate about my life. It included things such as "trip to Mexico," "university education totally paid for," and "gets paid to go to English class." He always proposed solutions, when I often wanted to continue wallowing. And what I perceived as insensitivity at the time I now realise was a genuine desire to help. With the perspective I have now, I realise that sometimes practical advice is better than sympathy, and on some level I should probably be grateful for it.
It helps too that Claire knows me well enough to realise, even when I didn't, that having a cute little animal in my life would make me happier. I think I was just too crushed to imagine that on some level she still cares about me and wants me to be happy. Otherwise, why bother responding to my messages at all? Why not just ignore me?
Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I'm getting on with it.
I stopped listening to The Organ, my favourite post-breakup music of all time, the day that the band broke up. How ironic. I took it as a sign to stop listening to music that, while wonderful in its own way, did make me want to kill myself. I will miss them, though. Who but Steven Smith could nurse me through such heartbreak? Those girls were so beautifully dark. Grr. Guess I'll have to be content with the likes of Sleater-Kinney and Beck's Sea Change.
I'm blogging from work. What a bloody cliche.
Work has actually been better since I started getting my shit together and feeling semi-motivated again. I have a new batch of students who are sharp and for the most part keen to learn, and I've had to scramble to find new materials to keep up the pace. I miss my younger students at my old job, though. I quit because of the commute, but I must say that I wish I could have kept it up. They were really great kids, and it was a really excellent school.
Should get back to the grind.
I'll post some photos of said kitten when Blogger's not being a big jerk.
Hope everyone's having a nice week.
-N
