Saturday, October 28, 2006
Le Stressss...
It has been a pretty stressful couple of weeks for me.
Last Thursday night my oh-so-clever little brother decided it would be a good idea to go biking on a city street at 3:00 in the morning with no helmet, no bike light, and no reflective clothing. Having worked like a dog (an inedible one) all week, I failed to pick up my cell phone when he called me at 3:30 to inform me that he had been hit by a car.
I did finally wake up around 7:30, shortly before the lad wandered through our front door on the way home from emergency, with his elbow in a sling and blood all over his head from a gash that required four stitches to seal in his limited brain matter. Ugh.
I had to go to work, of course, and had no time to process my feelings on the matter. I cried in the shower, for my little brother we had come so close to losing. The ER doctor told him that had he landed at a slightly different angle on his unprotected head we would have spent Friday morning in the morgue. Thanks, pal, for that oh-so-compassionate little bit-o-bedside-manner.
All day I struggled to hold it together. I kept imagining the first time I met my brother. I was a tiny, curious four-year-old with long dark hair and some rather outspoken opinions (already!). The hospital room was cozy and warm and my brother was so small I could scarcely believe it. There is a photo of me reaching out to touch his little nose, and that moment played itself over and over in my mind all day.
He'll be fine, but he sure as hell scared me.
This week my mom had to go in for surgery, which we knew was coming -- it had been scheduled in advance. But still, when she went to the hospital on Thursday morning I worried myself sick. I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to her. I don't know that I will ever be ready to lose her, but I'm certainly not ready now. I called her from the bus stop and wished her well, but my voice was shaking. I was absolutely terrified, sad enough to start sobbing in the bathroom at work, and ridiculously scared and worried.
My coworkers and students seemed to sense my mood, although I hadn't told them anything about my mom and I didn't do anything in front of them to indicate that I was upset. One of the other teachers told me jokes all day, and my Boss started dancing in the hallwalls for my entertainment. Try to imagine a very sensible little Korean fellow doing a jig in the hallway simply to make me laugh. It worked. It was hysterically funny.
My mom came out of surgery fine and I went to visit her for several hours yesterday. She still hasn't lost her sense of humour. I ran into her in the hall on the way back from the gift shop and was stunned that she was already walking around. She pointed to her IV stand and said "I decided to take Pope John Pole here for a walk." Haha. I am STILL laughing about that!
I read her celebrity gossip and then some of the juicier and gorier bits from the Bible. I don't read the Bible, EVER, and I am much more chagrined to be carrying it around than some racy Savage
Love column about anal sex, but there was a copy lying in the waiting room and frankly, the Book of Job is to die for. What an excellent story. I'll have to finish it this afternoon. It's like a giant pissing contest between Satan and God, and I hadn't even known that those two were on speaking terms.
My ignorance of the Bible is pretty much unrivalled, but really, what am I to do? I work with a bunch of Korean Christians who are so religious that they spend several minutes praying over their Tupperware before devouring the contents every day at lunch, and the number of times I get the urge to shock them with strap-on stories is really pretty remarkable. I say nothing, of course, because tolerance only works one way, and I don't expect them to understand anything at all about my life.
I'm still very much enjoying my time with Claire. Last weekend we went on a little roadtrip up north to see her parents' new house in the country, then got wickedly stoned and drunk and went to a bar and made out on the pool table. I would have done a helleva lot more on that pool table if it weren't for the whole public place factor. She kinda makes me look at boys in a whole new way. Their appeal is definitely fading since I realised just how much fun we have together all on our own.
She's coming to town tonight and we have several parties and shows to go to this weekend. I'm hoping to finally relax after a stressful two weeks of working five days a week from 9:30 am to 8:00 pm and driving myself crazy with worrying.
She always seems to make me feel better, that girl. She makes me laugh and makes me feel incredible, and I couldn't ask for anything more.
Sorry that my presence around here has been so sporadic. I barely have time to eat and sleep, and sadly blogging has had to be moved way down in my imaginary list of priorities.
I miss you all!
-N
