Sunday, September 24, 2006
Hopelessly Smitten
It is 3:00 am.
I suspect I'm drunk from a single double vodka and ginger ale. I still don't understand how this is possible, but I feel wacky.
I should be sleeping.
But instead I am having a long, drawn-out conversation with self.
Claire came to the club tonight and I was thrilled to see her. A mere half-hour later her drunken friend was discovered passed out on the couch upstairs and she got kicked out, so Claire had to drive her home. Neither of us wanted her to go, and we drew out the goodbye for a good ten minutes. She looked so amazing tonight I could scarcely take my eyes (and hands) off her. I was so sad when she finally left that I had to sit myself down and try to think rationally about it. I have known this girl in real life for all of two days. So why and how is it that I feel so strongly for her?
I considered that this was just a physical spark, likely to burn out quickly and leaving nothing in its wake. But somehow it feels like more than that. I could fall for this girl. I care about her already. I feel oddly connected to her. And in the strangest confluence of events, I suspect that she feels the same way.
She sent me a text message while I was walking home that read: "I wanted to stay and play. I have to admit you looked so good tonight....daym." One of the funniest things about her is that she's a little white girl with the biggest gangsta rap vocabulary I've ever heard. It's funny, and also somehow so damn sexy.
For now I am just going to have to hold back, get to know her better, and find some flaws, lest I let myself get all crazy. I'm absolutely vibrating with butterflies -- I had to walk home tonight (took me a good hour) just to calm myself down. I met up with the Bro on the bridge and scurried across four lanes of traffic to get to him. I couldn't resist standing on the three-foot-tall median in the middle of the road with my arms in the air as the cars blew past me. I guess I was feeling a bit reckless.
Reckless, lovesick, and strangely happy.
It doesn't help that Claire lives an hour away by car and I don't even know when I'll get to see her next.
I am so hopelessly smitten.
Should I be trying not to be?
-N
