Monday, January 31, 2005
a terrible storm
There was a terrible storm
and you were wearing all our coats
in the back of this car
I feel like I have travelled nowhere
We buried in the snow
I kept warm inside of your clothes
You swore that nothing would ever change
the way we were right then.
It was a colder night...
-Tegan & Sara
Here's the link for Kev.
Uh...yeah. Things are the same. I'm feeling kind of crap. Okay, I'm feeling really crap. I feel very scarce of resources with which to lift myself out of this quagmire. How did I do it the last time? Maybe my world was caving in a bit less the last time. No two avalanches are ever exactly alike.
Kind of puts an ironic twist to 'you are a unique snowflake,' doesn't it?
I had to stop myself while walking down my hallway today because I was afraid of cracking like an egg, my insides spilling onto the incredibly ugly carpet. It's a potent image, although admittedly not one I had until later. As it was happening I was just thinking "wow, this is fun. I think I should stop now. Stop. Stop, dammit!"
I must be losing it.
I'm not even really sure what "it" is. 'It' is reminiscent of some horrible group character-building operation, like Werner Earhard's Est, the kind where they destroy your personality in order to build it up again. Fucking frightening.
Maybe I need food. Yes, food. That will stop the spontaneous human combustion that is me.
I want to yell something along the lines of "If you want to make me happy, then you'd ought to bloody well do it now, right??" but that would be silly, and immature, and generally demanding.
I just realised my support network for when things go terribly wrong is awfully thin. Most of my good friends are living in other cities, or provinces, or countries, or continents, and the people who are here, well, I feel I would be imposing on them.
This is not terribly encouraging.
It's becoming a struggle to continue typing. More later.
-N
