Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Well, sorry about that, guys.
My internet has been down for the past week or so due to a virus/malware/malicious code/whatever the hell it was that attacked the computer that routes my connection and cut me off for a while. Then yesterday I had the bright idea to...uh...disconnect the other computer from the router and route the connection directly from the modem. Duh. That worked and now I am back in cyberland. Yay.
It looks like I'm going to have to start learning a lot more about my computer than I currently know. I really hate being utterly clueless about things, but machines in general have never been my forte, and computer jargon intimidates me a lot. The funny thing is that computer knowledge is an utterly relative discipline. Just the other day this guy in my film class thought I was a genius (he even asked if I was taking computer science!) because I told him that if he saved his file in Rich Text Format he could print it from the school computers. To me this was a no-brainer, a simple, straightforward formatting issue, but to him it was a big "wow...!" And I guess the same thing happens during every single conversation I have with the Boy about computers. Everything he says that I think is incredibly smart is yet another thing that he thinks is common knowledge, and then I end up feeling dumb -- again.
It's amazing how often I feel dumb. Despite being in the last two months of a BA at a well-known and well-respected university, and despite having graduated with respectable marks from one of the most advanced high school level programs in the world, and despite reading everything and anything all the time, I often feel pretty inadequate in the intelligence department. I may just flatter myself and attribute it to the phenomenon that Socrates described: "The wisest are those who know they know nothing." But that would be silly. It's just that it boggles my mind when people say that I'm a snob or that I think I'm really smart, because, well, I don't think that, and while I do appreciate the ability to carry on a conversation, I don't discriminate against people who aren't university-educated or particularly intellectual. In fact, I really envy people who have street smarts, because I have virtually none. I've lived such a sheltered life that when one of my friends from school took me to visit her little suburban hometown where girls get pregnant at 13, First Nations people are still referred to as "Indians," and a fun Saturday night consists of getting wasted in a field, I was utterly lost. She actually had to explain things to me, like: "this is a beer bong. Here's how it works. Yes, his real name is Harley. Yes, he was named after the motorcycle. Yes, she's eight months pregnant. Yes, she's drinking in a bar. Yeah, I know her mom looks young. That's because she had her first kid when she was 14." When she didn't explain things to me, I would just stare, stupidly, and try not to look too bourgoise.
And it's harder to try not look like a clueless middle-class fool than you might think.
Dag is in town. Yay! Her visit has been really nice so far. Really laid-back and fun. I was (a little) worried that we might fight like we did in Spain. But not too worried, because I know how very stupid that was and I don't care to repeat the experience. And besides, when time with someone is short, you tend to pick your battles. That said, I don't think there have really been any moments where I wasn't sure how to proceed and thought about battling. It's been pretty cool. We went to the island and hung out and took some pictures (which I will post -- Dag takes wonderful photos) and went for Japanese food with the cheerleaders (Ruh and Kun took to Dag right away and they were laughing and spitting water across the table all evening) and went to Chinatown and drank loads of bubble tea and went shopping and generally had a nice time of it. We have yet to get massively drunk and stoned together, but we're going to the school bar on Thursday (which I have actually never been to in the evening!), so that should take care of that.
Ten days really flies by when you're having fun, though. And soon I will be locked in the seemingly endless quagmire of school/essays/exams again.
The good news (depending on how you look at it) is that I've been really good at distracting myself from school this term. Capoeira is awesome and I am totally addicted. I'm trying out for that all-girls cheer team in March, so I will have more flyers to throw around. And that play I've been working on is going really well. The director sent me an email today asking me to pick up a few more roles. She told me I was one of the strongest actors in the cast and said that she would feel more comfortable if I took over some of the more difficult parts. I was actually really touched. I can't remember the last time someone said I was a strong actor. I don't know if anyone's actually EVER said it. It's not going to be easy to keep up that reputation though. The roles she's giving me are REALLY tough. I will be getting either a monologue by a six-year-old who sees her brother blown to pieces by a landmine, or a monologue about a man who rapes an eight-year-old girl because he believes it will cure him of AIDS. No kidding. This is actually the subject matter I will be performing in front of an audience. A light and fun evening at the theatre it is not. But it's exactly what I want: something serious, challenging, and inspiring, with the potential to send out a powerful message to a lot of people.
In fact, I should probably get working on my monologues for tomorrow, but I wanted to thank everyone for commenting on this blog in the past few days. I wasn't sure if some of you were still reading, but now I see that you are and I'm glad!
I will try to post some of Dag's photos. I'm sure she would appreciate comments, especially from people (like Gage!) who know what they're doing with photography.
A bientot and all that.