Sunday, April 10, 2005
my school days
Well here we are, no one else Dictionary.com helpfully explains it to me as: “The body of ideas reflecting the social needs and aspirations of an individual, group, class, or culture, or a set of doctrines or beliefs that form the basis of a political, economic, or other system.” Do you actually want me to go into detail on every one of the ideologies present during the First World War? If you do, you’re out of luck here. To name just a few, we have Imperialism, always a fun time, Communism, go Marx!, Wilsonism, nice old chap, Leninism, way to go with those peasants! Sorry guys, but this is beyond my level of patience. If he is mean enough to put this on the exam, I hope all of you will have the good sense to skip it.
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now its time to learn.
Numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height
against the wall.
And we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that I sound funny
but she likes the way you sing
Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tommorow I'll bet
that you and I will walk together again
cause I can tell that we are going to be friends.
-The White Stripes, We're Going to be Friends
Does anyone remember when school was like this? When school didn't consist of constant examinations, overpriced textbooks, anonymous people, and lonely, sad weekends spent in front of a computer screen?
I literally have not been to the gym or to stunting club in weeks. It's horrible. And I've been eating things like bacon omelettes and pre-sugared iced coffee from a can. I feel like death. I've actually thought I was having a heart attack or getting an ulcer about five times in the past two weeks. And I know I have to go to the dentist and get them to drill some more holes in my teeth. But I can't do it until I'm done!
I am prone to spazzing, just completely losing it and jumping up and down and rolling around on the floor naked and bashing my head against the wall. I take breaks to watch bad TV and then I go right back to it. I read blogs in a desperate effort to distract myself from work that then takes three times as long to complete.
I'm drinking more coffee than I ever have. We have actually run out of coffee beans and I don't have time to go to the store so I raid my brother's employer instead. Definitely not something I could keep up for an extended period of time.
What I need is a manservant. One of those delightful 19th century chaps who would wear a cute little bow tie and ask me every five minutes if he can get me something. I'd request French toast for breakfast and fresh fruit in the afternoons and lots and lots of grilled cheese sandwiches (they will be sent back if he burns them) and pancakes and really nice espresso. I will get him to bring me brand-new fountain pens and a nice desk chair that doesn't give me scoliosis, and ensure that I remember to stretch and do some push-ups now and then. I need a nice little drone who will do my Google searches for me and define all the relevant terms.
My history prof gave us a list of terms that might appear on the exam as short answer questions. In theory this is nice of him but he gave us more than 100 terms and is only going to put 10 of them on the exam, of which we only have to answer 5. So you really just end up studying a lot of useless shit. I was going through the list today, because I have to come up with descriptions for about 20 of them for my study group, and discovered, halfway down the list, the word 'IDEOLOGY.' How the FUCK am I supposed to explain the ideology of the First World War in ONE PARAGRAPH?? What a fucking tool that guy is. Instead, I wrote this:
IDEOLOGY – a disgustingly broad term that our prof has clearly put on this list to torture us all to death. Death by tedious study guide. A tragic and painful way to go. Gah!
We are getting a choice of terms, after all.
I'm so close to losing it I can practically taste my psychic break. I also hate people who ask standardized questions like:
"so...how's the studying?"
"when are your exams?"
"when do they finish?"
"how many do you have?"
"do you think you're ready for them?"
And comments like:
"But you're almost there!"
"You're on the home stretch!"
"Hang in there!"
"I'm sure you'll do fine!"
I realise these are all intended to encourage and reassure, but after a while they start to feel like impersonal Hallmark-style greetings. I'm so tempted to tell them to fuck off, but that would be incredibly mean and callous. They're just trying to be nice, after all.
I did get to unleash some anger on this guy I ran into after the concert the other night. I was crossing the street to catch up to the Boy, and was saying bye to my friends who were walking in the other direction. I yelled to them "see you soon!" just as this pick-up truck pulled up. The guy inside in the passenger seat rolled down the window and yelled lecherously "I'm seeing you right now!" I looked up, somewhat perplexed, and yelled back, without even thinking: "What? Fuck off!" He looked utterly baffled and stuck his head back in, rolled up the window, and ran away.
So, to Mr. Lewd-Dude-in-a-Truck: thank you for being such an easy target for my frustrations. You made me feel like I was still capable of doling out insults, if nothing else.
And now, back to the Imperial Munitions Board. FUCKING HELL!
There are simply not enough expletives in the English language. I'll have to move on to French,
Onwards, upwards, etc.
-N
