Saturday, April 30, 2005
Reasons why I do not enjoy being female
1) When I stand on a street corner waiting for someone to pick me up, people think I'm a prostitute.
2) When I get laid frequently, I am known as a 'slut,' a 'whore,' or 'easy,' and not a 'stud,' or a 'bachelor.'
3) People ask me why I'm not wearing makeup like it's a bad thing.
4) The expectation that I carry a purse.
5) Skirts. And their vile counterpart, dresses.
6) Guys who stare, holler, and get aggressive.
7) Having to get to know a guy fairly well before I feel like it's a good idea to accept a ride home from them.
8) Being frequently accused of breaking up or trying to break up marriages and relationships when I have done nothing of the sort.
9) Athletic achievements are a big surprise.
10) Breasts.
11) The expectation to have children, combined with the irritating biological/socially-ingrained desire to have children.
12) Heart-to-heart talks when really I'd rather just grunt and go get some pizza.
13) Sex is always supposed to be romantic.
14) Not caring about someone makes me seem inhuman.
15) Having to shave about a third of my body regularly.
16) The intense pressure to look good in a bathing suit.
17) Internal genitalia.
18) I don't even think I need to mention the whole shedding-the-lining-of-the-uterus thing. I wish there was a God, so I could tell him he was fucking insane when he came up with that one.
19) Being saddled with Original Sin, the veil, the balcony, polygamy, patriarchy, and housework.
20) People who wait until I'm drunk so they can take advantage of the situation.
21) Rape
22) Rohypnol, GHP, and whatever the hell else you tried to put in my drink.
23) Acquiring stalkers without even being a celebrity.
24) Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Jessica Simpson as role models.
25) Watching my brother be taught to throw a ball properly for a good ten years of my childhood, while I was shut out of Little League, and then being told I throw "like a girl."
26) Hearing that sports like gymnastics, figure skating and cheerleading are actually really wimpy. Yeah, I was faking the sprained knee, sprained ankle, pulled muscles, bruises, muscle pain and permanent calluses.
27) Beauty pageants.
28) Fucking EYELASH CURLERS!
29) The word "tomboy." Who came up with that one?
30) Condescension.
31) Having to act like a man just to be taken seriously.
32) The wage gap.
33) A lifetime of unpaid labour.
34) Taking a pill every day.
35) Hair products.
36) Guys who don't understand the words 'no,' 'stop,' 'I don't want to,' 'not right now,' 'not interested,' and 'go away.'
37) Lack of useful testosterone levels.
38) Zero muscle mass.
39) Being slower and weaker at everything.
40) Machismo does not work in my favour.
There's tons more where that came from. Perhaps when I'm in a better mood I'll post the opposite list.
Stupid fucking chromosomes.
-N
