Saturday, April 30, 2005

Reasons why I enjoy being female

After I finished writing the first list, I wandered around my room in various stages of undress, trying to locate my pyjamas and put my clothes away while somewhat lost in thought. That may not sound like multi-tasking but it becomes challenging at 4:00 am when the birds are already singing outside. I started thinking that there are actually a lot of reasons why I'm pretty happy that I was born a girl.

Here are some of them:

1) People underestimate me.

2) I get to wear pink and no one assumes I must be gay.

3) Breasts. I know this was on the first list, and it's because I both love and hate them. Having had to wear a bra since I was 11 and having received unmeasurable amounts of harassment because of them, it's not as though I can say it's all good and let the rest of it slide. I will never be one of those lucky girls who can go running without wearing chest armour and who can wear a bikini that ties itself up with string. Underwear involving the word "sport" is usually ugly, but useful even when my 'sport' is going to buy groceries. Conversely, I'm not going to lie and say that if I was alone in the world with the Boy, I wouldn't enjoy them all the time. In the same vein, I've never had trouble wearing tight clothes and filling them out. Then there are the superhero moments where I can make people do my bidding because they're just stupid enough to be fixated on a single physical feature. I don't take advantage of this very often -- only when the guy is in desperate need of a wake-up call.

4) No one tells me I'm a 'pussy' when I'm crying.

5) Vibrators are actually entertaining.

6) I know when other people's breasts are fake, and I will never be silly enough to think that implants look good.

7) I never have to worry about my penis size being inadequate.

8) Viagra will never be a necessity.

9) I am an incredibly cheap drunk.

10) No one thinks I'm odd when I think that small children and animals are cute.

11) The word 'beautiful' could be applied to me without sarcasm, although I fully admit it is rare that anyone actually does.

12) Masturbation does not require clean-up strategies.

13) When guys feel guilty for being assholes, they buy me stuff and I'm allowed to accept it.

14) On exceedingly rare occasions, I can be a vixen and people will be impressed rather than horrified.

15) Eyeliner sometimes results in surprising compliments.

16) I never have to worry about making sure I give other girls "man hugs." None of that mechanical two-pats-on-the-back bullshit.

17) People occasionally pay for stuff and I let them.

18) Cute underwear. My latest find is blue with hearts and little beads across the top that spell "L O V E."

19) No one makes fun of me for wearing women's underwear.

20) The ability to insist on condoms.

21) No embarrassment about watching cooking shows, occasionally Desperate Housewives, reality shows on the Life Network, movies on Bravo, Gilmore Girls, or even Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- when I'm in the mood for some serious cheesiness.

22) Being able to describe a location as being 'romantic.'

23) The exceedingly rare occasions on which I receive flowers.

24) Hanging out in a big group of guys when I am the only girl, and being okay with it.

25) Being able to dye my hair purple when I am not actually the lead singer of a punk band.

26) Making friends with people who start out by flirting with me.

27) Winning the trust of guys I'm not sleeping with.

28) Being able to make Nirvana songs sound really different.

29) Having a clitoris.

30) Occasionally being able to get away with movie late fees by looking cute and smiling a lot (I am fully aware this is evil).

31) People are often surprised when I get really angry and yell at them, and as a result they tend to listen.

32) Oral sex.

33) Being intimidating and not giving a damn about it.

34) People who are surprised when they hear I have a university degree.

35) People who are not surprised when they hear I have a university degree.

36) Getting to be a guys' girl. Drinking beer and playing pool and listening to loud music and getting insanely drunk and eating pizza and not having any heart-to-heart chats at all.

37) Missing my guy friends but knowing that they have the nearly unique ability to pick up exactly where we left off.

38) People who are surprised when they hear I can lift a girl over my head.

39) Being inaccessible to 98% of the people who would like to have me.

40) Not sleeping around, but knowing that I probably could if I wanted to.

41) Being catty.

42) People who are surprised that I lift weights.

43) Taking self-indulgent pictures of myself.

44) Being self-indulgent and not having people call me a deadbeat.

45) Not being able to get someone pregnant and then leave. Or worse still, not knowing about it and only finding out 10 years later, when the kid you didn't even know you had tells you what a horrible person you are.

46) Doing more sit-ups than the boys.

47) Everyone mistakenly assumes I am always sweet.

48) No urinal etiquette.

49) Playing with other people's cute babies without anyone thinking I must be a pedophile.

50) Loving people and telling them so.

Well, whaddaya know...that list was longer than the first one. Yay.

Enjoy, comment, agree, disagree!

Some fun photos are coming for your enjoyment.


by Nome at 2:14 PM
0 mews

    Welcome. This is the humble chronicle of my life & my thoughts on the world as I see it. If you know me in real life and want to keep my trust, PLEASE ASK BEFORE READING! I'm not accountable to you or to anyone else for what I say in these pages. Comments are much appreciated, but but insults and personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please respect privacy and anonymity - nicknames or pseudonyms only. This is my space to be an adult - kids should go elsewhere. Thanks, and enjoy.

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