Monday, February 05, 2007
wind it up
Ah, so sorry it has been such a long time since my last post. So lame.
I've been better, then worse, then slightly better, then slightly crazy, then better, and now I'm somewhere in between.
I still miss the girl. That hasn't gotten any better. I can't seem to shake that feeling that I have every single morning when I wake up and life is good until I realise for the millionth time that she's gone. It continues to rip my heart out, no matter how many friends I see, or new people I meet, or things I do "just for me." I still miss her as much as I did the day she left.
I ran into her last weekend at the club. I managed to suppress my desire to run away or cling to the wall and actually went to talk to her. I played it cool. She was incredibly nice to me in a non-condescending sort of way, and we actually drank tequila and laughed and danced and she got the DJ to play the Ying Yang Twins and I even managed to stomach her theme song sans nausea. When she sat close enough to touch me it was as if no time had passed, no hearts had been broken, no love had been lost. Except afterwards she went home with her friends and I went home with mine, and while she ran half a block back to give me a long hug, it felt positively tragic to see her go.
This week she started sending me strange messages about how I ought to believe her when she says she misses me, and how she wishes I was there with her, and how the whole city reminds her of me. I find this all rather baffling.
Work has been trying lately. My boss tried to fire one of the other teachers and hand his huge workload over to me. I objected, he retreated, and now he's trying to rehire the fired teacher to be our new manager. I find this to be a rather screwed up way to run a business.
Maya continues to be a sweetheart. She retrieves her mice when I throw them down the stairs like a little puppy dog (only she smells better and is more independent than a puppy). Her favourite colour is orange, her favourite food is exceptionally overpriced fresh halibut, and her favourite toy is the Saturday edition of The Vancouver Sun. Her favourite words are "I love you, little one."
As for me, I'm trying to regain the magic in my life. I've started job-hunting again. I see my friends, I watch the L-Word. I dash to my new favourite Japanese izakaya joint on Robson street for pork-prawn-chive gyozas and kimchi rice. I go out for flaming hot Korean food and white-girl-annihilating rice liquor (soju!) with my students. I cuddle my kitten. I go out for pho with my brother and have conversations about whether or not history is progressive in the middle of the night. I drink my almond lattes and admire the orange-pink glow on the office buildings downtown at sunset. I go to Tori's house (remember that cute little gal I met at Pride last year? She and I are neighbours now) for chats by her fireplace with a bunch of girls who all have hair much shorter than mine.
I try to keep it real. I'm still trying to disprove the maxim that nice girls finish last.
But sometimes I think that maybe it couldn't hurt to vixen it up a little. What do I have to lose, after all? And maybe, just maybe, that puzzling little redhead will remember what she's missing out on.
Love to my loyal readers, as always.
-N
