Saturday, March 17, 2007
Oh yes it is.
Sorry guys and gals for being so negligent about blogging. You see, things happened, and news was made, and then updating became too intimidating, and then I got busy and lazy, et cetera. How tiresome. I'll try to be better in the future.
In doing fairly well these days. For the first time in my life, I'm enjoying being a free agent. I like having my own place, I like spending my own money, and, shockingly, I even rather like being single.
I saw Claire for the first time (not including our strange run-in at the club) since our break-up a few weeks ago. I thought I wanted to see her so we could be friends, get closure, whatever, but when I realised she was actually going to drive out to the city to see me, I panicked. I haven't cried that much in months. I thought about cancelling our meeting, backing out, or making up a story, and I waffled about it for a week. In the end, I went through with it. I was afraid that seeing her would bring everything back and make moving on that much harder. Fortunately, I was wrong.
She arrived almost an hour early, unannounced, with her muddy little dog and a bag of my stuff. Maya did not love the dog, obviously, and I realised for the first time I found the little creature really rather irritating, and certainly much less cute (and less clean!) than my kitten. Strangely enough, I kinda felt similarly about Claire. We had very little to say to each other, and she chastized me for not having enough "city gossip" to tell her. Ugh. She wouldn't leave the apartment to get coffee or dinner, despite the fact that I, like Maya, felt rather eager to have her and the dog out of my territory. Maya's uneasy curiosity about the dog soon turned into an attempt to smack the fluffy little canine enough times to make her leave. I didn't check to see if she had her claws out, but if she had I can't say I would have minded.
Claire struck me as rather shallow and boring, and suffice it to say the magic was gone. Zero chemistry, zero interest, zero good vibes. I kinda wanted her to leave. She finally did leave around 8:00, and had to talk me into getting a ride with her downtown. I actually had no desire to sit in her car or spend another minute with her and the lapdog.
"What on earth happened?" I wondered to myself briefly afterwards. But then I came to my senses and realised it's a wonderful thing that I'm over her, and not a big loss that we probably won't be friends. That'll teach me to turn chemistry into something meaningful.
In other news, I quit my job. They'd jerked me around in that poorly-run place long enough, and on International Women's Day I finally decided I'd had enough of being underestimated and taken advantage of due to the young and female factor. I was offered a new job at another school, which is bigger and has generally more opportunities, and I accepted it.
I thought my boss was going to cry when I told him, but he got over it. When I told my students I was leaving, their reactions surprised me. I thought they'd be a tad disappointed, but it was like all the air went out of the room. Several of them gasped. All of them asked me why, told me they'd miss me, and a few thanked me and said that I'd taught them a lot. It was touching, and I felt a bit guilty. But I also felt like Uma Thurman in a yellow catsuit wielding a samurai sword. It's good to be moving on.
My new job starts Monday, and I'm a tad nervous. New place, new people, new classes, new photocopier. I have my own desk, which is exciting. I get to plan an LPI curriculum (that is Language Proficiency Index, another university admission test), which is neat. I'm making less money but have more hours and I'm keeping my evening job, and after two months I'll be earning more AND have more hours.
Um um um....and I got fantastic emails and letters from both the former Ferncanyonman and Curlz. They were such wonderful words that I put them up on my fridge. I haven't had a chance to respond yet, but if either of you are reading this please know that I appreciated your messages very much!
And oh yes, The Girl. I still rather like that lovely creature I met at Whistler. She's serene and smart and absolutely beautiful. She makes me come unhinged. She's lovely to talk to, brilliant, sensitive, even a tad intimidating. And yet, I hesitate. I'm in no rush. I just want to know her better. And beyond that, well, I enjoy living in a world that is full of possibilities.
Time to cuddle up with Maya and watch Fast Food Nation.
The deluge outside makes me think it's time to board the ark. I shall gather two of every animal, and keep you posted.