Wednesday, December 29, 2004
back, and chipper and cynical and confused and crunchy
Hey yawls.
"Yawls" was one of my better Scrabble words last night. "Yawls" is the plural of "yawl" meaning a long, mournful cry. It was fitting given that at that point in the game I was losing to my little brother, who scored a bingo in the first round with "cretins." Damn that child.
Another of my awesome words which should have scored me many more points was "zaires," the plural of the currency of the former African country of Zaire. A lousy 17 points, but a great new slang term. "Zaires" will now replace dollars, bucks, pounds, and francs, as in "hey, mom, can I have ten zaires to go to a movie?" or "dammit man, where did I leave that ten zaire bill?"
In conclusion, every member of my family is a huge nerd and we have big Scrabble marathons when cooped up on rainy days in our house in the woods. End of story.
I also went on an excellent hike yesterday to an old lighthouse. The view was amazing, and the sunset was much more exciting than usual. But other than that and a couple of halfhearted running expeditions in the rain and a few lousy weight sessions indoors, my exercise week has been dismal.
I hope you all spent a lovely, tidal-wave-free Christmas. I was a bit worried there because G. is in Malaysia at the moment, which currently has a death toll sitting around 100 people. The worry gene kicked in but since his msn name today says "Safe in KL, hating the humidity" I'm now relieved that a) he's okay and b) he's relaxed enough to complain about the weather. That's the guy I know and love, and he's fortunately in one piece.
Many, many other people are not okay. It's really awful, but since there's nothing original I can say about it, I think I'll move on.
My dad got stopped by the lone mountie on the island this morning as he was rushing my bro and I to the ferry at 8:40 am. Bro had characteristically woken up 20 minutes before we had to leave, hadn't packed his guitar or his cds, and spent 10 minutes in the bathroom. So we left about 15 minutes late. Awesome. No wonder we were speeding. That little shit of a mountie took my dad's license and allowed him to drive us to the dock, where we had about 10 seconds to get onto the ferry which was actually raising the ramp to leave. I still don't know if he had to pay a massively unfair $150 speeding ticket for going 60 in a 50 zone. It's not like the cop even had a radar gun or anything. He can't prove we were speeding at all. Fuck da poe-leese.
Had an msn conversation with M. today about the possibility of going to China next year to teach English. As much as I really want to go, I don't think I can continue to leave home for extended periods of time and expect that the same people will still be here for me when I get back. Especially the Boy. How long can I keep him waiting for before he'll decide I'm simply not worth the trouble?
Plus, being in Asia alone, or even with G. and M., is a bit scary to me. Both of them are dear friends, but I can't really say that I depend on them for a great deal of emotional support. Which is not to say that I couldn't if I needed to, just that I haven't really tried it yet. Or in G.'s case, I haven't tried it for a few years at least.
There are always two opposing currents inside me, one says to wander the world for the rest of my life, and the other says to stay put. On the one hand, I feel so much better with some stability in my life, with family and semi-reliable friends and the Boy and people who genuinely know and love me. On the other, being abroad was exciting even when nothing much was happening. It was a liberating feeling to know that I could do just about anything I wanted and I wouldn't really be hurting anyone except myself. The result of course, was that I hurt myself a lot. I sometimes think that other people really took more out of me in that year than I would ever take from anyone, ever, no matter what the circumstances. And then I just think I'm being cynical and stupid and I remember all the people who were genuinely loyal and wonderful and continue to write to me and care about how I'm doing.
The Boy's on his glacier trip and I'm feeling a little unsteady. Unsteady like Jeff Buckley's 'Lilac Wine.' Not funeral-fantasy unsteady, but more like constantly on-edge. Little things like cutting up vegetables and drinking bad coffee really get to me. I'm not so desperate as to pray to any false deities, but I'm starting to understand why other people get the impulse to do so. What I really want to do is send him one of those protective shields like Sonic the Hedgehog (remember Sega Genesis?) when he hit an invincibility button. But then I tell myself I'm just being a crunchy fool and I should snap the hell out of it.
I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind the other night, which I will recommend to everyone. That movie really affected me somehow. I wanted to call my Boy and say "I love you I love you I love you!" and if I thought he would have appreciated such a gesture, I might actually have done it. It was really not even a sappy movie. It was clever and smart and messed-up in a lot of ways. I suppose I related to how quirky and real it was above all else.
I'm reading an awesome book called Jan Wong's China. Read it, whether you know anything about China or not. She's funny and a great observer. I just finished a pretty lame biography of Eminem, called Whatever You Say I Am. It was boring. The author kept digressing into the history of hip-hop, and I was so irritated I wanted to hunt him down and smack him.
I'm pretty sure it's lunchtime, since I'm hungry.
Cait -- want to come out with us tonight or tomorrow? Or we could do lunch once your lessons are over. Let me know.
Love,
N
