Wednesday, January 19, 2005
why are people so boring?
Sometimes I find that people can be grouped into three categories of boringness (I realise this is simplistic but today it's working for me, so leave it be):
The first is the utterly boring category. These people are just totally uninspired, self-absorbed, have nothing to say and don't respond originally to anything said to them. Occasionally they are actually group 2 or 3 members in very good disguise.
The second is the moments of levity category. These are people who, if they were a movie, would receive two stars, for "has its moments." They have occasional moments of brilliance, and when you're drunk or stoned or desperate they're downright charming. But most of the time they live in a mundane and boring world that they, like Group 1 people, don't even realise is an utterly uninspired place.
The third category consists of people who, for whatever reason, make you sit up and take notice. It doesn't have to be because they're super-nice. In fact, many of them are unapologetic assholes. But they get attention, whether for doing good things or just for having a lot of shock value. Many enduring celebrities probably fit into this category. I'd put Madonna into this category, because she's typically difficult to ignore. And Mao Zedong. No one argues with how fascinating a personality he became by arranging the subjugation, starvation, abuse, and slaughter of thousands and even millions of his countrymen.
Since I'd like to avoid the middle-of-the-road in all its forms, I'll skip the second group today, and give you some examples from the first and third groups.
I found a stunning Group 1 example today when I was bored and tired and the Boy hadn't called me back so I didn't want to go to sleep yet. Instead, I decided to search Blogspot for people who lived near me, in the off-chance that I'd find someone I knew. I didn't even get anywhere near where I live before I found at least a half-dozen people whose profiles just blew me away with their utter tediousness.
The most boring individual I could find listed her interests as (among other unnotable mundanities): worship, God, sleeping, IHOP (yes, that's International House of Pancakes), and prayer. I'll spare you her name and any potential embarrassment she may feel for being a card-carrying member of Group 1. All I have to say about her is that when your most exciting activities consist of praying and eating bad pancakes, you should probably be taking it as a sign from God to wake up and get a life.
My other Group 1 nominee for the day listed his interests as : roleplaying games, eating, ritalin, wild monkey sex, obsession, denial, recovery (from what?), Asian girls, Black girls, White girls, Girls, Australian Girls, and Chinese girls. At least he's the multicultural type.
Maybe I just find everyone in my age group to be utterly tedious. Or at least the vast majority.
My Group 3 nominee is the professor who marked my father's geography paper about 35 years ago. He took it out tonight and we all laughed hysterically at it for a good 15 minutes. My poor dad's handwriting has always been illegible, and artistry was never one of his strong points. But instead of simply telling him that his maps weren't to scale and that he needed to hire a typist, the prof did the following:
He underlined where my dad had written that the following maps would be useful in explaining the distribution of various crops in a particular country, and wrote in the margin: "You flatter these grotesque images."
Then on the actual maps page, the prof wrote: "These are pathetic apologies for maps. What about a few lines about this mess -- look as if you are at least trying to be neat!"
Then in his conclusion he wrote: "Your maps are insulting."
I have to admire this prof in a Simon Cowell sort of way. He may be a complete asshole, but he's also witty and to-the-point, which makes him both interesting and provocative. Not only are these important qualities for a Group 3 nominee, but the very fact that we're reading what he wrote and laughing about it 35 years after the fact is enough to put him solidly in Group 3.
I sometimes get great satisfaction from knowing how bizarre and random humanity is. I suggest that we keep it that way. I actually have more admiration for who are assholes and get me really mad than I do for people who could just disappear and no one, myself included, would notice or care. Except for maybe the people at IHOP.
So to the odd and the outspoken: I salute you!
And now it is really time for sleep.
-N
