Friday, March 18, 2005
I didn't get a part in that play
I didn't make the team I tried out for.
It's been a full week of delightful rejection for me. Please don't tell me that it's nothing personal, et cetera, because I know that. It doesn't make it any less irritating, and it doesn't make it feel any less like a double failure. A double failure is kind of like eating doublestuff Oreos except failure is not nearly so sweet and chemical-tasting. Instead, it is a hard dose of bitter reality.
I have no job, no real plans for next year, no real foundation to stand on.
Maybe I need to reevaluate my priorities, or at the very least reassess the things I've tried to tell myself I'm good at. I may not be any good at any of them at all.
I could explain exactly why both scenarios were unfair in various ways, but that would just make me sound like a whiner. Instead, I will chalk it up to some kind of fate-like substance.
I go onstage tonight. Fucking scary thought. We are so not ready.