Wednesday, May 04, 2005

rabbits

I am posting the following because several delightful females have asked me for more info about my rabbit, and NOT because I am the Queen of Overshare (although I do think that might be a really fun title to have).

So if you are male, disinterested, repressed, a practicing Catholic, or for any other reason (like being under 18) should not be reading material about sex toys, do yourself a favour and skip this! For those poor souls who read religiously either way, regardless of whatever bullshit I'm writing, perhaps this will be an educational experience for you if nothing else.

This is not to imply that being male is in itself cause enough to skip this section. Au contraire. I think a lot of men are probably excited by this kind of thing. I merely anticipate that this is of more interest to women on a practical level, for what I think are obvious reasons.

Oh, and sorry for all the bloody links in this post. They're for the benefit of people like Miss Macy who are actually hoping to do some comparison shopping. Comparison shopping is incredibly smart here -- it will help you avoid dealing with sweaty, unsavoury salesmen (always men!) in seedy stores like I had to do. If you're lucky enough to live in a town free of seedy stores, well, power to ya. I live in a town full of crackheads and heroin-addicted prostitutes, so I didn't have much of a choice of shopping, er, locales.

With that disclaimer in mind, I'll continue.

If any of you watch (or used to watch) a delightful HBO program called Sex and the City, and if you were religious about watching it like I was, then you probably already know about The Rabbit from an episode called "The Turtle and the Hare" where Charlotte gets addicted to a vibrator and her friends have to stage an intervention. It's all really very amusing, but bunny addiction is no joke! I completely see how it could happen! The one they used on Sex and the City was the Rabbit Pearl (the cordless version is the Rabbit Habit), both of which are $80 US or more. That's more money than I'm currently willing to spend on a vibrator, so I didn't get either of those models. But really, I think rabbits are like those crazy little electronic pets that kids were into about 7 years ago (I remember it because I was just young enough to still think they were cool). It all started with the Tamagotchi, but the others were really such similar knockoffs that there was not much point in purchasing the original.

As far as I can tell, the same goes here. The Rabbit I purchased is called the Rampant Rabbit (two different links there), and I got a blue one cause there wasn't a choice and I don't give a flying fuck about colour anyway. Its basic features are the little vibrating bunny, the rotating shaft, and the vibrating beads inside. The bunny part has two speeds, high and low, and the shaft rotates in two directions. That's about it. The salesdude described it as "pretty basic," and it is compared to some of the fancier ones. I saw some models in the store that were like $250 and had 7 speeds and an LCD screen. That just seemed silly to me, and the price was WAY out of my budget. Mine cost $59 before tax. Those are Canadian dollars, so you American folks can be doubly chuffed about the price.

I've only used the thing once, and really I don't feel I missed out on anything by not buying a more expensive or sophisticated model. That little bunny is INSANE! The low speed is wonderful and the high speed is like a nuclear reaction -- I say don't mess with it unless you're looking for something insanely quick and intense. Or you're really drunk, or stoned, or taking Valium. The low speed was really, really nice. The whole rotating shaft thing is not something I'm used to and I think it will probably take a bit of time for me to really enjoy it. A guy will never ever spin his entire body 360 degrees around while he's inside you, so there's really not much reason anyone ought to be used to that feeling. (I now have a really funny picture in my head of a guy doing just that. Heh heh). It was a little weird, though not an unpleasant sensation. I didn't notice the beads that much, and actually had it going without them for a while and it was still incredibly awesome.

Next time I'm going to go a LOT more slowly with the whole thing. The Rabbit is actually a really powerful toy. Afterwards I felt the complete opposite of afterglow -- like I'd just had 10 cups of coffee -- and I barely slept all night. Beware the addiction! A piece of plastic, albeit a pretty fucking great piece of plastic, is not a man and ought not to be compared to one. Just don't compare the two. Ever. Especially if any man is present. LOL.

Seriously though, using a vibrator is like having sex with an acrobatic (read: contortionist!), highly skilled, and completely selfless man. And short of running away with the circus, stealing a cute acrobat, and training him as your sex slave, that's not going to happen. One ought not to expect mechanization from a human being, nor humanity from a machine. This thing will not make you feel loved, but it will make you feel pretty amazing on a physical level.

And on that note, I return to my regularly-scheduled programming.

Hope that was of use to some of you.

-N

by Nome at 7:31 PM
3 mews

    Welcome. This is the humble chronicle of my life & my thoughts on the world as I see it. If you know me in real life and want to keep my trust, PLEASE ASK BEFORE READING! I'm not accountable to you or to anyone else for what I say in these pages. Comments are much appreciated, but but insults and personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please respect privacy and anonymity - nicknames or pseudonyms only. This is my space to be an adult - kids should go elsewhere. Thanks, and enjoy.

    About The Nome
    A NOT VERY SUBTLE WISHLIST
    Nome is where the heart is
    I Will Not Be Silenced


Archives

Other Witty And Wonderful Creations



    referer referrer referers referrers http_referer

Misc.