Thursday, March 16, 2006
sporadicism, thy name is Nome
In my dreams
I see you asleep on a twin bed
The covers pulled up over your head
Am I asleep or awake?
And it's morning
And the captain is playing the radio
And he's just put the paint on his new boat
Am I asleep or awake?
And it just feels good when you're waking up
And it just feels good when you're next to me
And it just feels good when you're coming home
And it just feels good when you're waking up
And I've become just like a chemical stress
Tracing the lines of my face for
Something more beautiful than is there
I've barely been gone
and I'm not a failure
I swear
I wish you could see it from over there
I've got a lot over here without you
I've barely been gone
gone
dreaming
-Rilo Kiley - My Slumbering Heart
[Rilo Kiley = super-rad American indie band. I am obsessed with them and Sleater-Kinney, and oddly enough, everyone's favourite electroclash oversexed superstar Peaches these days, among others]
So I haven't been writing lately. Pourquoi? Ah well, I work. And when I'm not working I'm reading, or sleeping, or partying, or listening to great music, or spending time with my Hayley. I've been busy, and I'm trying to live more than cyber-live.
Make sense?
I'm also planning a rather extensive trip to another continent, and that's causing me a bit of angst and a lot of time. I'm leaving on March 22, which is (ACK!) less than 6 days away. I have my new passport, $97 and a helleva lot of time and hassle later. Who knew it was so hard to prove one's Canadian citizenship. My doctor had to fill out part of the application and I had to get various people to vouch for my identity as a Canadian and not just some strange little squirrel with an innocent face trying to conduct international terrorism with such a prized, door-opening document as a Canadian passport.
In other news, um....I cut my hair. It's now too short to even put in a ponytail. It's fun and easy and I love it. Hayley's reaction was very gratifying because she loves short hair and was super-excited about it. I never thought that short hair would suit me, but everyone has been saying that it does. It's not super-short....it's about two inches below my ears.
I worked six days this week, since it was Spring Break and all the kiddies are running amok and Emma has been on vacation so we were understaffed. We've hired a new cashier, who is competent and nice, and a new bookseller/potential floor manager, who is cloying and well-suited to the fine British expression: "Mutton dressed as lamb." I don't like her, but then my first impressions of other people are about as accurate as other people's first impressions of me, i.e. not very. The Bossi have been super-nice to me lately, probably because I'm leaving, and I've been spending almost all my time on the floor helping people and doing displays, which has been amazingly satisfying. I'm a bit sad that now that I'm starting to really enjoy work I have to leave it, possibly permanently.
Things with Hayley are great. I'm pretty crazy about her, even when she smokes and yells and gets quiet and weird and is late for everything. I went to play cards with her entire extended family a few weeks ago, and despite my initial nervousness (what to wear? how to act? AH!) , I ended up having a great time. I met her parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and they were all LOUD, crazy, talkative, affectionate, fun people. We all just sat around drinking and yelling and playing cards and betting with cups full of nickels all night. Hayley said she doesn't introduce just anyone to her whole crazy family, and I can see why, but I felt pretty privileged to be there.
Hayley's started working a night job from 11:30 pm to 7:00 am every evening, which I think is NUTS, so I've been calling her Vampire and Creature of the Night just to get my obligatory two cents in. I suppose the pay is pretty good, and she has yet to be assaulted downtown in the middle of the night, though her mom worries about her. I worry a bit too, but she's the most independent and self-sufficient girl I think I've ever met, and I'm pretty confident that she can take care of herself.
Despite this she says she'll miss me when I'm away, and I know it's true.
I had my last session with Thea the Therapist today. I think both of us felt pretty confident that I've come a long way since six months ago, and I'm doing well these days. It's been a rough ride from heartbreak to loss to confusion to frustration to denial to acceptance, but I think I've arrived somewhere pretty pleasant, if not perfect.
Better get to bed.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for the sporadicism of my ramblings.
Till we meet again,
N
