Thursday, August 10, 2006
last post of the day, I promise!
On very rare occasions I allow myself to think about how fucking luxurious it would be to be straight as an absolute line.
How incredibly freeing it would be to not feel like the PC Police when I object to an battle for equality which has raged quietly for centuries and loudly for 40 years or so being reduced to an adjective meaning 'lame,' 'stupid,' 'gauche,' and 'just not cool.'
Sometimes I allow myself to think "WOW, wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to thank my aunt for fighting the battles that I didn't have to participate in because I wasn't born yet, and now I have the luxury of sitting through a parade dominated by corporate sponsors like Starbucks, City TV, and CIBC Bank of Canada."
Rarely, very rarely, do I sit down and consider how bloody fucking nice it would be to not get harrassed by drunk boys on the Skytrain because I failed to fall in love with a socially-acceptable member of the opposite sex.
Only occasionally do I wish that normalcy would just fall from the sky like this quiet summer rain, and I could go "oh yeah, I'm just exactly like the rest of them."
It isn't every day that I allow myself to feel quite so understanding about my friend who lives a mere hour outside the city but can't come out to her parents or any of her friends because every time she puts on a cd they don't like, they don't say that the music is bad or cheesy or uncool, but really, really fucking GAY.
Sometimes, only sometimes do I wish I could live like Raymi and list things I don't like in order of gay, gayer, and gayest. I wish that I could decide that going to a Kelly Clarkson concert was a really gay activity, and have that remark mean absolutely nothing about anyone being attracted to people of the same gender, because hey, it's just really fucking FUNNY.
Because it must be nice to live the status quo, to feel like semantics don't really matter because you're "not like that," and to wake up every morning knowing that no one will ever disown you because you choose not to deny a love which is the purest thing you've ever felt.
It must be really fucking nice.
I'm in a really bad mood now, sorry.
I'm not usually like this, really.
-N
